Is there a place for hopeless sinners?

I mean inadequate and incompetent sinner? So hopeless that they don’t know that they are sinning.

The hopeless sinner that Bob Marley sang about, was the one that has hurt all mankind for his own beliefs. This is not the hopeless sinner I am referring to, I am referring to the hopeless sinner who is not even sober.

The one who is attracted to their partner, husband or wife almost uncontrollably after a few drinks. They want to be taken and swept off their feet by the love of their life. The one also who is so attracted to someone else’s husband or wife because of just that – attraction. The one who feels an intense romantic connection with a complete stranger. The one who wants to break the status quo. The one who wants to do something different against the domesticated self, beliefs, traditions and norms.

The one who is about to say f**k it, I am going to do it, however wrong it might look, be perceived or feel because I just feel like and I want to.

Is there really a place for this hopeless sinner? What is the force or voice that speaks to this hopeless sinner? Where does it come from? Is it within or without?

Is it a suppressed voice denied freedom of expression through domestication or does it need to actually be silenced and caged?

Is it the chicken crossing the road?

Those eyes, those lips, that wide chest, that smile…I can do with that, right this moment…only if those soft lips could kiss my lips, and those hands touch my nipples. Only if I could feel the warm embrace of the chest on my body, only if I could wake up to that smile, only if those beautiful eyes could look at me that way…my body says yes, I can feel it, the feeling is so strong..but it is not right, I can’t. How will it be perceived? Will I be able to live with it? But do I even know what I am missing? What could possibly be wrong with something that feels so right?

I am conflicted, who am I in conflict with? I am in conflict with myself and the realities I have created for myself or created within me. Am I one person or multiple people, if I am the only one person, then why all the 1000 voices?

Is this what temptations look like? Why am I being tempted. Should I enjoy the temptations or avoid them? Or is this lust?

She looked at me with her beautiful sparkling eyes, she wants it, either my lips or my chest but she wouldn’t make it obvious. She whispers in my ear to tell me an open secret but sneakily smells my cologne, she looks at me again, she loves the charm my cologne adds to what intrigued her about me, but she wouldn’t tell me. I prentend I didn’t hear what she was whispering to me, I also want to whisper back, this time I also want to know what parfum she is wearing, just so that I can also feel her soft looking skin…I mumble something and somehow I am speaking to her neck…how I missed her ear for the neck, is the fall from grace. I love her cologne, her skin is softer than I imagined. I say something without saying anything because my lips are on her neck…she doesn’t seem to mind if what I am saying is verbally incomprehensible, because she likes it too…I know this because she didn’t remind that her ear is not on the neck…

As the chemicals directly proportionately reacted, the lips wanted to talk, not to listen, we caressed our faces while making way for the talk of the lips to take place. Without saying anything, we wanted to be sure the lips know what is about to happen, we looked into each others eyes, before we knew it we both closed our eyes…

Wake up, wake up, kala yo money – its time to Buga! Why am I afraid? Why am I scared? Its not me who is scared, its what I have been told and made to believe, as to whether there’s a place for such a hopeless sinner, not only on earth but also when I die. Imagine telling God after I die that I am a hopeless sinner, and then asking, do I have a place at your right hand? But in the presence of God does it really matter if one is on the right or left of God’s hand?

After all, I am in the presence of God, unless God is schizophrenic. The smell of her perfume, my lips on her neck and her lack of resistance is an advanced chemistry class.

How many hopeless sinners chemistry tests have you passed?