Adulting: When did it happen to me?

I was trying to remember when I became an adult, and it took me down the memory lane. Adulting…Whew! Is such an experience, but I am here already – I either count my blessings or deal with it.

As a child, I don’t remember waking up tired unless I was sick or having to go to school. As a child, there were only two moments of full consciousness i.e., the time to go play and the fear for one’s life when you know you have done something wrong and you just know, from the look of your Mum, the day is not over yet until a slipper lands on your face. I can assure you that in those days, being beaten wasn’t child abuse, it was a much needed factory reset and software update.

As a teenager, it was much more fun going to school. That is after having discovered my first crush of course! It was such a nice, unexplainable feeling that romanced my heart, just by looking forward to go see her, even if I was shit scared to utter a word directly to her. I would send handwritten notes to her through her friends – talk about mastering shuttle diplomacy at a tender age.

I also had a chip on my shoulder as a teenager. I was self entitled. Nothing and no one was above me. I was the coolest, the most knowledgeable, powerful and full of energy. I got super powers and skills just from watching Rambo and Karate Kid movies. In my head, I was the only good looking dude, until I look at myself in the mirror and see chunusi (pimples) all over my face. This was such a torturous but humbling experience on self pitty and learning to love myself the way I was with all the crazy changes that took over my body. For those going through adolescence – tuko pamoja (we are together); My friends said if I applied colgate on the face when going to bed, it will dry them up after just a few days.

One night I went to bed without washing dishes after dinner, as was required. Just because I was being lazy. My Aunty (My Mum) came home from work late (she ran a restaurant then) and because I had a chip on my shoulder, I had to be reminded who is the boss. So, she woke me up in the middle of the night, shouting my name to quickly go downstairs – I knew kimeumana (things were thick). There was a confused pause on my Aunty’s face when she looked at me, she wasn’t sure who was in front of her; I had dry colgate all over my face. I looked like I had applied white chalk powder on my face and my eyes were red because I was in deep sleep. Imagine calling someone in the middle of the night and this is what you end up with. She couldn’t run, its her house and she had to show authority…after a while she collected herself and asked me “hivi unavuta bangi wewe”? (Do you smoke weed?). I was equally confused, what does smoking bangi have to do with not washing dishes? I only noticed what she meant after I rubbed my face to stay awake. To date, I can only imagine what went through her mind then. I think it is at this point that she decided, after my O’levels I needed to be sent to the village for some coffee chores to get my acts together. Anyway, there was no going back to sleep until the dishes were washed.

I was introduced to adulting when Aunty and I, had this short conversation that shaped me to date. This is how it went: –

Me: I am going to a disco with my friends tonight.

Aunty: OK! Here are the house keys, I don’t want to be disturbed late at night by people coming from having fun.

Me: But I can’t go to the disco with empty pockets, I need some money!

Aunty: From who?

Me: You! I don’t have a job. I am still a student

Aunty: Laughter…goodnight…

End of that story!

The next time I made an announcement of going clubbing, was after I got paid from either washing her car before going to school, doing maintenance paint work at the restaurant or being a waiter on weekends and holidays. Part of me grew up since then and now I am adulting.

In my view, adulting is having an illusion that you have control of your time, thoughts, plans, friends, family issues, finances and the future. However, in reality, adulting is needing an alarm to wake up, because you just can’t trust your body clock anymore! This is after several failed attempts to make it on time for a morning meeting, following a “moment lived” with friends the previous night, thinking you are still teenagers. Adulting is being frantically woken up in the morning by your thoughts before you are actually ready to wake up. Adulting is reporting to work, to do what you have since lost passion for – like 10 years ago, but you still do it because it atleast barely pays your bills. Adulting is when your side hustle becomes your main hustle and gives you hope for a stable income and it is still a side hustle five, six, seven years later. Adulting is getting in the rat race, taking a loan to finance your constantly nagging thoughts on investment ideas. Adulting is drinking yourself silly when you can’t take it anymore and laugh with friends who you think they have no purpose in life other than distracting you. Adulting is struggling to wake up the next Sunday morning to go to church and negotiating with God. God, you remember last year I went to church and prayed? That Grace (no…not Grace from the choir) I received has kept me going since, I promise, if you extend the Grace for one more week, next Sunday I will go to Chuch, I promise. But you remember your Mum’s voice and you quickly get your act together. In church, you must maintain social distance and quiet in spirit. You know you can’t receive the eucharist but you won’t allow yourself to be judged. The Priest gives you the eucharist and in exchange he gets a whiff of last night’s cocktails…Heeimen!

Adulting is feeling caged because you no longer believe what you were told growing up, but you don’t know otherwise or how to do things differently.

Adulting is so many other things – such a road trip.

I spoke to a friend and asked, why are we constantly on a rollercoaster? Why can’t we just chill and stop the madness? She said to me, we can’t. We just need to be grateful of the success stories, fun moments and not focus on the negatives or lows in life. She said she also didn’t believe what she was saying but she had to lift my spirits. Indeed, it is somehow hard to count our blessings but it is important to practice it until it becomes part of us just like the alarm clock. Today I tried, by remembering all the silly moments that made me laugh, deep inside my heart I laughed again to these moments, it feels nice, but my face is adulting – I can’t laugh out loud as I will wake up my wife and she will go straight to adulting too. It is way past midnight and I will have less than 5 hours of sleep – I now have a smirk on my face instead.

I guess adulting and I will continue to battle it out, because there are also many blessings that comes with adulting – I just need to consciously remember to count them one by one, every now and then.