Unmuting the silence on financial struggles

Being broke is not a nice feeling. Not having money can be so devastating and debilitating. Being liquid gives a sense of security, probably because in the world we live in today, we can barely do anything without money.

In Swahili there’s a saying “Pesa ni sabuni ya roho” literally meaning “Money is soap for the heart”. People glow when they have money, people are happy when they have money, people have confidence when they have money. Now try the other side of not having money – it is horrible. It is not uncommon for people earning an income to be broke or not liquid at some point. For others, money seem to always be on a short stop over through them as it transits to its next destination.

If you are lucky to have been raised well like me, in an African family, you will know that there are things that are not easily discussed or questioned when growing up. These are God, religion, sex, death and money – of course actions of your elders too. Make your judgement but don’t open your mouth. Somehow we were expected to figure these things out when we grow up, from own experience.

This culture of muting discussions on important issues such as money when growing up has awkwardly shaped our understanding of money and how we deal with money; Financial struggles are real to many people, but because we barely discussed money issues from a tender age, the seed needed to enable us navigate the financial hurdles we face today wasn’t planted in our heads early enough.

As kids our financial needs were being met by our parents, we didn’t have to think about it, we just ask for it or things to be done for us. Fast forward, we become adults, suddenly that umbilical cord supplying us with money, gets cut off and reality checks in.  Many times there’s no money celerac for a soft introduction – you go straight to Ugali. Many of us lacked the basics of financial literacy as a result of the culture of secrecy in dealing with money matters.

When growing up, the most factual and common lesson our parents taught us about money is that “money doesn’t grow in trees”.

Unfortunately, many young adults were also not taught how to make money. Making money was an almost sacred activity undertaken by the elders. We only got a glimpse of financial difficulties when we got kicked out of school because the school fees hasn’t been paid. We were shielded from this reality of money; Our parents didn’t tell us much of the financial struggles they had and why, but we also couldn’t question and even if one pushed it, you will be asked, do you think money grows from trees?

Sadly, we have also grown up to think financial struggles are normal, unfortunately this could be one reason, fourty years later, many are still trailing the dessert looking for financial prosperity.

In my family, we were lucky to have been introduced to working for money soon as we became teenagers. We worked at our Aunty’s restaurant on weekends and holidays – working at this Restaurant was like a right of passage. We all had in our collection of clothes white shirts/tops and black trousers or skirts for girls. We got paid for the work we did just like any other staff. This taught us how to make money.

When it came to spending, we had to use the money we made from the restaurant and other chores for our growing up shenanigans. This gave us an introduction to another financial lesson in a Swahili saying “Kila mbuzi hula kulingana na urefu wa kamba yake”. I can’t remember the last time my Aunty bought for me clothes after I became a teenager.

Even with this experience from teen-age, there was still something missing about my knowledge of money, I at least knew how to make money by working and I knew how to spend it on buying what I want – a black dyed baggy jeans and a hip hop T-shirt for a disco. This did confirm that money doesn’t grow from trees and that I could only afford to buy what was within my range of income. However, the cycle of making and spending money, having and not having,  became a norm. I didn’t know about building wealth or financial prosperity.

Almost three decades later since I started interacting with money, I have not saved a fortune – and my genuine excuse is, I am extremely generous and hoping my generosity will pay someday. But, let me tell you now, money is not a living thing and so it does not care or understand generosity. Let that sink in for a bit.

I have also recently understood that financial wellbeing is a science with one simple basic principle – do not spend more than you earn. Just like how the “urban” goat can only graze within the length of its rope. I know, I know, this is where we could get into a fist fight with many because, in reality we don’t usually make enough money to cover for our financial obligations – please read obligations as our “choices and decisions”. Ladies and Gentlemen, don’t get emotional – another fact check, money doesn’t have emotions. The principle remains the same. You spend more that you earn you will be in a financial funk. They only way out of this funk is to make more than your spending.

Once we start making money, it is about making choices and decisions that will not make us spend more than what we earn or have. Somehow wealth creation starts from understanding this basic principle. This is a new culture we need to normalize and talk about.

Should we then stop having big dreams,  helping those in need and being generous? Far from it. Dream, help and be generous but none of these will redifine the principle of money.

In a book “Wealth Creation” by Dr. M. N. Kenneth, he provides for a template for calculating one’s net worth. This can be a rude awakening for many on our financial wellbeing status. But it is worth knowing your financial wellbeing status – break the silence.

The loans, mortgages we take, the expensive schools fees, cars and homes we rent or buy, the new business ventures we get into are all valid, but are they based on our emotional wants and needs or are they logically backed by the science of money?

For many with no financial literacy, our spending is very emotional and problem driven, unfortunately money doesn’t resonate with any of these,  as long as you spend more than you make your financial wellbeing is being compromised.

Indeed in our communal societies we are expected to step in and make financial contributions particularly for life changing ceremonies. If one doesn’t give, they can easily be frowned upon and judged. We also feel guilty if we don’t give, we don’t want to be judged and when we genuinely don’t have, we feel so embarrassed to admit it because we feel exposing our vulnerable financial situation might have a huge reputational damage on us especially if you are employed and you also drive a nice car – how could you not have anything to give? It is like financial struggles reality are personal but at the communal level they should be nonexistent. Admitting there is a problem in how we understand money is key to finding solutions to our financial struggles.

I learnt the hard way that money does not have sympathy too, if you spend more than you make – forget it – financial wellbeing is not for you. It doesn’t matter what you use the money for and the well intended acts of goodness, when it comes to money, it is only about that principle of money that matters. We need to master this principle to improve our financial wellbeing.

Because of the silence of the financial struggles of our parents and our teachers  had, we were not prepared to deal with the financial struggles realities being faced today. Somehow we also mute the need to interrogate where our financial problems come from and paycheck after paycheck loans increase.

The culture of being silent on money issues at home has affected many of our financial decisions and attitudes towards money today.

For the benefit of our future generations, our culture should embrace open discussions on money, especially on how to make money and how not to spend more than we earn. We should teach our kids the language of money. Otherwise, we will be recycling financial poverty for generations to come. If we allow our children today to think money is in our bank cards and do not know how the money got there – even prayers won’t help us – the ship will continue to sink. We shouldn’t shield our children from this fundamental knowledge about money – which we are now spending most of our adult hood trying to figure it out.

I have started my journey to financial prosperity. The first step for me is to make conscious and deliberate decision to apply the principle of money when making decisions to spend money. The pressure is on! I have to learn how to put aside generosity, emotions and sympathy when it comes to money issues. Wish me luck.

Spending money based on wants is a trap. But also even if our spending is based on needs, however realistic the needs are, as long as they are going against the principle of money it is a red flag.

We should explore how to further build financial safety nets at a personal, society and Government level, especially if our financial needs are beyond our income.

After applying the principle of money, what do you think should be the next steps as we unmute discussions on financial struggles?